Haren, Santana, and Morales walk into a bar
Haren: Man what a rough offseason. I get released, then I have to move crosscountry, then I get rocked in my first start.
Bartender: Don't worry kid, at least you are getting paid $1 million more for your troubles.
Santana: Doesn't help me, I got shelled to, and I'm in Kansas City.
Bartender: But the food is good.
Morales: I gave my best leg to those guys, and they trade me to the Cellar Dweller Mariners.
Bartender: You can be the next Papi. Just keep swinging for the fences.
Haren: If he swang for the fences, maybe we all wouldn't have been jettisoned in the offseason.
Bartender: It was his first year back. And look on the bright side, you are on a WS contender, with plenty of offense to get you wins. Next season, you will make a mint.
Santana: What about me?
Bartender: You have a young team around you. They will rally when you start, and you can lead them to a surprising finish in the division. Just focus and make the Angels regret releasing you.
Morales: Pitchers have it easy. They only have to play every 5 days. I have to play everyday on one leg.
Bartender: Don't worry, even Beltre couldn't hit there, and he only has one nut, now look at him.
Santana: I am a home run pitcher.
Haren: It showed.
Santana: Look who's talking.
Morales: When do I get to play against you?
Haren: Shut up. Wait Bourjos is calling me.
Morales: He sucks.
Bartender: Focus guys, and have great seasons. I don't want to be behind the bar again. Now where did I put those cocktail napkins, I have to go finalize the Lohse deal. Morales, I'll work on your deal soon, and get you the big bucks.