dear justice kennedy,
if you retire at the young age of 81, a time when you can enjoy the fruits of your labor, your family and grandchildren, and go peacefully into the sunset, i'm afraid of a president i don't like nominating your replacement and it'll be your fault for him choosing someone who once called the speaker "mama pelosi." don't do it, anthony. but in case you do, here's a ton of guilt to make you reconsider.
signed, a whiny writer