Mid-week Shenanigans: Eat it. Just eat it.

[DowningRules]

If you go to Mother’s Market, you see all kinds of people.  Some leftover granola eaters from the ‘60s/’70s, still living the dream, though now with gray, long hair.  Lululemon chicks fresh from the gym who buy into the coconut milk hype.  And people like me and Date Chick who are looking to grab a bite to eat in the restaurant. 

 

I’m very careful with my table selection when dining out.  I’ll go so far as to wait until the dinner rush subsides in hopes that the noise level has waned and the service is more attentive.  I will happily wait an extra few minutes to not be seated near a table with kids.  Tables with birthday balloons are another red flag.  When Date Chick suggested Mother’s for dinner, I agreed, thinking 8pm was a safe bet. 

 

And it was.  We walked in and there were maybe five occupied tables.  I chose a nice quiet corner, up against the wall and far from the entry.  It was ideal for quiet conversation and quinoa.  Of course, a Giant Lady came bumbling in with a little girl, probably about 4 years old.  Giant Lady yanked over a baby seat and plopped it at the table next to us.  Amazing.  There’s probably 25 empty tables in Mother’s, and Giant Lady decides the one next to me and Date Chick is ideal.  The waitress greeted them.  “We have one more,” says Giant Lady.  Oh oh.  This won’t help.

 

Soon after this Mother’s opened, my wife really wanted to eat there; she was excited to eat something healthy that she would not have to make herself.  Since her diagnosis, she made a concerted effort to eat good, mostly natural stuff.  We were having a good day.  A lady a few tables over from us got her food and dug in.  Her cell phone rang.  She took the call on speakerphone as she chomped away. 

 

I thought it would be a quick call, because, well, who the hell has an extended conversation on their cell phone’s speakerphone, let alone in a restaurant?  This lady did.  It was ruining my outing with my wife.  I usually don’t get worked up, but this was particularly annoying.  Sometimes you can let stuff bother you and it’s up to you to filter it out.  Other times, people take advantage of you not saying anything and this was one of those times.  I told the lady that she should have the conversation outside where no one else would have to hear while having their lunch.  She got upset with me.  I didn’t care.  I explained to her the finer points of cell phone etiquette.  She feigned surprise and anger and asked the waitress for a ‘to go’ box.  She couldn’t possibly enjoy her meal now, what with me upsetting her so. 

 

So, back to present day, Giant Lady immediately orders vegan pancakes for the kid in the high chair.  “Where’s mommy?” asks the kid.

 

“She’s in the bathroom,” informs Giant Lady.

 

“Why?”
 

Giant Lady pauses to either take in air or ponder.  “Because she’s pregnant.  And she has to potty alot.”

 

I was having vegetarian chili.  All I could think of was used Pampers from that point on. 

 

Moments later, Mommy waddled in.  She made Giant Lady look like an ad for Slimfast.  She was wearing a shirt that said “Gleek” as she’s a fan of “Glee,” I suppose.  She was indeed pregnant, but with her girth, you had to make sure.  Her chin(s) were pregnant too.  She was highly unattractive and I wondered if this was some sort of conjugal visit pregnancy.  This is the sort of person that would’ve gone to Jonestown, or maybe joined Scientology.  I could see her finding a prison pen pal then visiting Lompoc only to leave with a tattooed bun in the oven. 

 

How it went down is anyone’s guess, but as I told Date Chick, I don’t know how any man could get down with that.  I’m really not being mean here.  It’s observation.  Mommy has given up and is using her pregnancy as an excuse to eat like a horse.  A healthy, vegan, soy horse, but a horse none the less.  She was loud and hefty.  My meal was compromised yet again at Mother’s.

 

Mommy ordered vegan this and soy that.  I was amazed.  Where does it all not go?  I would’ve pegged Mommy as more of a McDonald’s ‘are-you-gonna-finish-those-fries’ type. 

 

Date Chick and I ate in a hurried state.  I do not understand why people have to sit near other people when a restaurant is near empty. 

 

 

[AngelsLongBall]

One of my numerous pet peeves!

[halobob]

Glad to have a Shenanigan again DR!  Also glad to hear you are still going out with date chick, things must be going well with her!

 

Oh yeah, and what the heck is quinoa?

Edited January 8, 2014 by halobob

[Adam]

Something has been missing in my soul since the beginning of the new year. It was a shenanigan. Thanks, DR

[arch stanton]

Welcome back, DR. The problem with public places is that they let everybody in.

[yk9001]

I don't think I've caught every Shenanigan episode.

 

Is Date Chick the chick you were dating earlier, say 3 months ago?  Professional woman of some sort, she lets you have her space?

[nate]

Glee or Twilight shirts are usually a pretty good indication that they are a person to get far away from.

[Blarg]

I have at times picked up my drink and moved to another table when our quiet space is invaded by a group that can't sit anywhere else but next to the only people there. I will get an odd look from them like we are offending them in some way not wanting to be a part of their party.

 

Oh and Tin00can doesn't appreciate your description of his new girlfriend.

[Tank]

Glee or Twilight shirts are usually a pretty good indication that they are a person to get far away from.

 

probably a pretty safe bet that they also have a house full of cats.

[Ordos]

My wife finds it annoying that I can easily ignore people like this next to me... But I've learned to ignore annoying characters like her friends years ago, so these types are hardly a nuisance any more

[HaloMilliVanilli]

I've always had major peeves with restaurant etiquette, especially parents going out and dragging children who are too young/tired, etc. to have the proper manners to eat amongst others who are paying hard earned greenbacks to have a nice meal with ambiance.  I'd rather one have better sense than that, but am willing to deal with it as long as the offender is willing to walk the kids out of the restaurant when necessary.

 

Nice to have a 2014 Shenanigan, DR!  Hopefully there will be a Date Chick update Shenanigan soon.